I’ve been asked to make a post explaining what’s bipolar disorder, and explain the symptoms. Cause some people think they might have it. But this post shouldn’t be a reference and a diagnostic tool. Don’t depend on it. But if you wanted to have a better idea then I can help with that.
Now I’ll talk about the three different states and episodes of bipolar disorder which are depression, mania, and mixed episode.
First we will talk about the depression, I can only speak on behalf of type 2 of bipolar disorder, which consists of longer periods of depression than in mania. Example I can be depressed for 5 or 6 days in a row and manic for 3 days in a row its just an example cause I can never be able to determine exactly how long will I be depressed.
The depression symptoms I will mention now are common in a lot of different forms of mental illness not only bipolar disorder.
1- I don’t need a reason to be depressed, no need for a trigger at all. The feeling of sadness starts filling me up slowly as if I’m a cup and sadness is a black liquid pouring in me. And I feel in a state of confusion cause I’m sitting there trying to fix myself and make myself feel happy but I can’t find the sourse or the reason why I’m so down. And because I can’t find it cause it doesn’t exist (it’s just my serotonin being messed up) I’m not able to fix myself easily. Point is the depression comes with or without a reason.
2- Depression in bipolar disorder is scientificly worse than a normal depression. A psychiatrist in a conference explained it in an excellent way, he said that normal minds have barriers to protect them from negative feedbacks, negative situations, any form of a negative stress. That barrier brushes away those negative things before they pail up. Sometime they get to the person and it really affects them but the barrier comes up again fast and protects the person. As for someone with bipolar disorder there is no barrier that exist. We get affected by every little negative thing. We use so much energy to protect ourselves more than a normal person. We are more vulnerable, but I learned later in time, with some practice it’s possible for us to build our own barrier. But it needs so much strength and mind power. It’s really hard but not impossible.
3- Suicidal thoughts are extremely common in bipolar disorder, you’d think no one cares enough, or you don’t matter, or everyone is better off without you, or no one will notice you’re gone, it’s all wrong, but the mind is a dangerous thing, it can convince you of so many lies as if it’s all true and your mind will try using some memories as example when in fact they aren’t and you’d ignore every other memory where someone proved to you that you matter to them. It’s like in that state you can’t recall anything good in your life, as if all those memories were buried or never happened, your mind won’t let you remember them only the worst memories, the wounds, the scars you collected over the years. Like I said the mind is a dangerous weapon.
4- I don’t feel like doing anything, the things that used to make me happy or were fun are meaningless when I’m in the state of depression, my mind starts to attack me, I’d feel paralyzed with so much pain that my mind is inflicting. I can’t think straight, can’t think of happy memories, can’t remember the stuff that would make me strong, my mind becomes a fog and I’m standing at the center of the mist trying to find the doors that hold memories that can give me strength to get up and fight. The worse battles anyone can go through is with their own mind. It knows all your weakness and will use them against you, will convince you that your worst fears are already happening when they aren’t at all.
5- Sleep changes may also occur, either you struggle with insomnia or you sleep way tooo much. As for me I used to have insomnia but when I finally did fall asleep Id be asleep for a very long time. And so many nightmares everyday.
6- Your mind starts bullying you in a way that it makes you feel guilty about some stuff, or worthless, it makes you hate yourself so much that sometimes it can lead to self harm.
7- You’ll notice some physical changes, like you’ll either lose so much weight cause you no longer feel the pleasure in food, or you’ll eat so much both can be a sign of depression. Also loss of energy, fatigue, and you might feel sudden pain in your body but nothing shows by scan but sometimes depression weakens your immune system that you do get sick a lot.
8- Hearing so many voices in your head all yelling at you and making you feel horrible. The voices are just thoughts, but they’re so painful and loud that they sound like either your own voice is yelling at you, or multiple people all bringing you further down the pit.
These are just a few common symptoms of the depression side of bipolar disorder and also major depression, borderline personality disorder, clinical depression and so many other disorders. Basically a person who’s depressed can’t think right, can’t make a decision or a judgment on anything. They’re in so much pain and its overlooked or ignored. If you notice anyone with these symptoms try to be there for them, you don’t need to say the right words, your presence itself helps them so much, even when they push you away STAY. Thats when they need you the most.
Let me know if you have any questions, or if there is something I missed that you want me to talk about. Have a good day 🙂