Years of recognition, yet you wear a wavering face

A missing heart aching for a vessel to call home

You are a graveyard, a collector, a house of tombs

As I starve for death and life, you spit on my meals

A shared flesh, yet the demons were greeted

Bleeding ears praying for the tongues to die

A structured design of black and bones, a war zone

Who are you now?

A melancholy portrait?

A reaper hidden in darkness?

A ticking star?

A gun ready to protect?

I’ve adored you, I’ve despised you

Swallow my home in flames and I will become a heavy fountain streaming from the clouds

Take away the sun and I will become a radiant moon with a clean sky

Press your foot on my neck and ill still rise

We all have our demons, some scarier than the rest

And some hold a collection of masks to wear

Raie OY

This poem is a conversation with my negative dark side of myself.

Years of recognition yet you wear a wavering face (I’m addressing the dark side of myself and saying after all these years you still deceive me)

A missing heart aching for a vessel to call home (I feel like I’m not complete and I’m aching to be whole)

You are a graveyard, a collector, a house of tombs (Addressing the dark side of myself as someone who kills the good and vulnerable parts of myself and collects all the coffins)

As I starve for death and life, you spit on my meals (Why is it when I’m in pain you don’t make me feel better, you hurt me even more…Don’t we all hurt ourselves or at least or depressed thoughts do that)

A shared flesh, yet the demons were greeted (Aren’t we the same? sharing the same body? so why would you welcome depression in to our mind)

Bleeding ears praying for the tongues to die (My ears can’t stand the thoughts and horrible things you and depression keep saying)

A structured design of black and bones, a war zone (My mind is a war zone with just darkness and death, and the person who keeps dying bit by bit is me)

Who are you now?
A melancholy portrait?
A reaper hidden in darkness? A ticking star?
A gun ready to protect? (I’m talking to my dark side, asking myself who have you become? A portrait, a canvas of misery? A reaper that keeps taking my life away? an bomb ready to explode? or are a gun ready to protect me from harm?)

I’ve adored you, I’ve despised you (I have treated myself with kindness but I have also caused myself so much pain and for that I love and hate myself)

Swallow my home in flames and I will become a heavy fountain streaming from the clouds (Addressing my dark side of myself “Depression” and telling it that even when it tries to burn me with pain I will save myself and will shut it up)

Take away the sun and I will become a radiant moon with a clean sky (Take away my happy memories, my hope, and I will be the one to create new hope and make new happy memories, basically I’ll be my own savior)

Press your foot on my neck and ill still rise (Try to break me down as much as you but I’ll still get up and never give in to the darkness)

We all have our demons, some scarier than the rest And some hold a collection of masks to wear ( We all have a dark side, some worse than others. and some are deceiving and bag of different sides and faces to wear)

I wrote this inspired by a song called Dark on me by Starset. I think all of us struggle with ourselves, its normal. This was my way of expressing how its like with me.